


bitches lovve wwhales

by MalcolmTucker



Series: Drabbles [1]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Humor, bitches lovve wwhales
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-18
Updated: 2011-10-18
Packaged: 2017-10-24 18:30:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalcolmTucker/pseuds/MalcolmTucker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-- grimAuxilliatrix [GA] started pestering caligulasAquarium [CA] at 14:36 --<br/>GA: Ampora<br/>CA: wwoww this is a neww one<br/>CA: finally decidin to take me up on that offer are wwe kan<br/>CA: you knoww<br/>CA: the one<br/>GA: Actually Eridan I Am Here Because<br/>GA: I Never Believed I Would Be The One To Be Saying This<br/>GA: But I Need You</p>
            </blockquote>





	bitches lovve wwhales

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheMostPsychotic (ymirjotunn)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ymirjotunn/gifts).



\-- grimAuxilliatrix  [GA] started pestering caligulasAquarium  [CA] at 14:36 --

GA: Ampora   
CA: wwoww this is a neww one  
CA: finally decidin to take me up on that offer are wwe kan  
CA: you knoww  
CA: the one   
GA: Actually Eridan I Am Here Because  
GA: I Never Believed I Would Be The One To Be Saying This  
GA: But I Need You   
CA: wwhat  
CA: reely kan  
CA: does this mean  
CA: you wwant me   
GA: My Apologies For Leading You On Though I Do Not Understand How You Came To That Conclusion But I Accidentally Pressed The Entre Key Before I Was Finished Typing Up The Complete Sentence  
GA: Which Would Have Been “But I Need Your Help” 

\-- grimAuxilliatrix  [GA]  started pestering caligulasAquarium  [CA]  at 14:44 --

GA: Eridan Are You Still There  
GA: It Has Been Approximately 8 Minutes  
GA: Please Respond I Really Need Your Help  
GA: Ampora  
GA: Eridan Ampora I Am Sorry  
GA: Please Forgive Me   
CA: alright fine kan  
CA: as long as you agree to nevver toy wwith my heart again  
CA: im fragile you knoww   
GA: Yes Ampora I Know  
GA: Now Will You Please Help Me  
GA: It Is Quite Urgent   
CA: alright fine but promise me kan  
CA: end my sufferin and heartbreak  
CA: promise me youll nevver leavve my side    
GA: First Off Eridan This Is Not The Human Movie John Made Rose And I Watch For One Of Our First Dates By The Title Of “Titanic”  
GA: This Is Me Requesting Relationship Advice From One Of The More Disreputable Sources  
GA: And Second I Refuse To Do Any Of That Nonsense   
CA: wwoww okay disregard the fact that im fragile  
CA: thats cool  
CA: ill just sit here in silent sufferin wwaitin for an apology    
GA: Please Will You Leave The Hysterics At The Theoretical Door  
GA: Eridan I “Reely” Need You Please   
CA: alright  
CA: fine  
CA: but only because you used a fish pun  
CA: wwhat is it kan   
GA: Thank You For The Second Chance  
GA: Rose And I’s Sixth Human Calendar Month Anniversary Is Tomorrow  
GA: And I Was Instructed By John To Get Her A Present As Apparently It Is Customary   
CA: so   
GA: So I Need Your  
GA: Womanising Skills  
GA: To Help Me Pick Out The Perfect Present For Her   
CA: wwomanising skills  
CA: reely kan you think so?  
CA: that wwhy you messaged me ovver all the other ineligible fuckwits  
CA: because of my superior skills wwith the ladies  
CA: and gents    
GA: To Be Blatantly And Painfully Honest I Am Only Speaking With You About It Because You Are The Only One Online And Available To Help   
CA: eridan isnt fragile  
CA: not at all  
CA: he is a stable lesbian brick wwall that speaks as if his blood wwere fuckin royalty and enjoys puttin dowwn people wwillin to help   
GA: Eridan   
CA: thats fine  
CA: lets just break him  
CA: hes useless and forevver alone   
GA: Eridan   
CA: his heart is solid stone and he nevver feels anythin  
CA: wwhy no one evver cares about rejectin him or puttin him down or anythin  
CA: he aint evven one of us hes just a loner and a bad one at that   
GA: Eridan I Am Sorry I Did Not Mean That   
CA: maybe his hearts been broken so many times it dont evven break any more   
GA: I Did Not Mean It In That Way Eridan   
CA: maybe he doesnt evven havve a heart because of it  
CA: dont listen to his advvice itll get you as lonely as him   
GA: Listen Ampora I Am Very Grateful For Your “Advvice” No Matter The Quality   
CA: no you aint kan  
CA: i wwas just the only one online remember   
GA: Yes I Remember  
GA: And I Take Back What I Said  
GA: I Am Glad If I Am Forced To Get Relationship Advice From Anyone That It Is You   
CA: reely kan?  
CA: you mean it this time?    
GA: Yes Ampora I Mean It This Time   
CA: alright wwell i guess i can help you   
GA: Thank You Very Much Eridan  
GA: I Do Appreciate This A Lot  
GA: So Any Suggestions As To What I Should Give My Little Flower   
CA: course  
CA: givve that bitch a wwhale    
GA: Pardon Me  
GA: But What Do You Mean By “Give That Bitch A Wwhale”    
CA: i mean give that bitch a wwhale  
CA: bitches lovve wwhales   
GA: Eridan I Do Not Think That Is A Very Excellent Decision  
GA: For One Rose Is Not A “Bitch” And I Do Not Even Know Where Her Opinion Stands On The Matter Of Whales    
CA: kan   
GA: Yes   
CA: trust me   
GA: Ampora  
GA: I   
CA: cmon kan    
GA: Fine  
GA: But If She Throws The Gift Back At Me  
GA: Or Back Into The Sea For A More Realistic Approach On The Matter  
GA: Then I Am Blaming You   
CA: that wwont be necessary  
CA: shell lovve it  
CA: get it  
CA: like a seashell  
CA: get it  
CA: shell   
GA: Yes Ampora I Get It  
GA: Shell  
GA: Ha Ha  
GA: Now What Were You Saying Again   
CA: bitches cant resist wwhales   
GA: I Am Taking Your Advice On This Ampora  
GA: You Better Not Be Wrong   
CA: believve me i wwont be   
GA: Thank You  
GA: Goodbye   
CA: bye

\-- grimAuxilliatrix  [GA] ceased pestering caligulasAquarium  [CA]  at 15:03 --

You quietly approach the counter, head tilted a little bit back, and eyebrows arched up to give yourself a condescending appearance.  
“Maryam, table for two,” you say clearly to the reservations clerk. He nods at you knowingly, looking down at the list and dragging a highlighter across your name to cross it out. His glasses slide down his nose, but he pushes them right back as he looks into your eyes.  
“Follow thith young woman right here, you’ll be therved shortly,” he lisps and then fakes a smile. He looks miserable, but who are you to care? You look back at your date, hair perfectly in place, silken and shining golden. Off to the side she has elegantly pinned a laced black flower, matching her dark attire. She’s practically made of lace, it’s covering her hands, her neck, her dress, and it’s beautifully displayed in every article of clothing she’s got on. It looks good on her, you think, and you extend a gloved white hand out behind you, grasping her fingerless gloved one.  
The young man ushers you into a tiny booth by the window, overlooking the city, sets your menus down, and leaves abruptly. The candle in the centre of the table flickers wildly, illuminating your clasped hands. The city lights are oranges and yellows and harsh whites, though they’re distant and several stories below you. They blend into a mass of warm colours, lighting both of your faces in a way that makes you smile.  
You caress the back of her hand with your thumb, rubbing in small circles will she stares absently out the window, and you are her perfect face.  
“Rose,” you say quietly, after leaning in closer to her face. “I have a present for you.”  
A small smile graces her delicate lips.  
“You did not have to do that, Kanaya,” she puts her other hand tenderly on top of yours.  
“Oh, but I did. It is our ‘six month anniversary’ and that requires gifts, does it not?” The corners of her mouth pull up just a little bit more as your formal speech dances across her ears.  
“It does not, for all I need is you,” her face relaxes and she intertwines her fingers with yours.  
“Though that was very sweet, and touched my heart deeply, that does not change the fact that you have a gift from me entitled to you.”  
“Thank you, Kanaya,” she says, as you lift the small, dull coloured gift bag onto the table.  
She pulls at the tissue paper, reaching inside and gently pulling out the contents. You anxiously smooth the folds of your stunningly bright red evening dress, eyeing her fingers as they pry into the bag.  
“Kanaya,” she grins.  
You have given Rose Lalonde, your girlfriend of 6 months and matesprit a plush whale.  
And she loves it.

**Author's Note:**

> could not resist the whales  
> bitches love whales
> 
> thanks to TheMostPsychotic for the coding!! ♥


End file.
